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Embracing the Mess: The Courage to Love Authentically



We all make poor choices. We all create messes.


Perfection is a myth—we’re imperfect people, often pretending to be what we think others want us to be. We chase acceptance, love, and approval because deep down, we don’t believe we already are enough—loved, valued, appreciated, and accepted as we are.

How do I know? Because this is a journey we’ve all walked, to some degree, of becoming inauthentic.


We’ve learned to avoid the deep pain of disconnection in relationships by hiding our flaws.


We hide through:

  • People-pleasing: Changing ourselves to meet others’ expectations.

  • Performing: Seeking approval through achievements or perfection.

  • Rebelling: Acting out as the “wild one” or “rule-breaker” to control the narrative and avoid vulnerability.


Ultimately, these behaviors are forms of self-sabotage, protecting us from the fear of being “found out” as flawed humans.

Often, this realization hits when a relationship crumbles, forcing us to look within. Here’s how the cycle tends to unfold:

  1. Unmet Needs in Childhood: Emotional needs go unmet, leading to loneliness and a lack of belonging.

  2. Fantasy Begins: A child creates a fantasy world to escape the pain—dreaming of a perfect family, a rescuer, or “happily ever after.”

  3. Cultural Reinforcement: Society amplifies the fantasy with stories of “the one” and fairy tale endings.

  4. Subconscious Beliefs Form: As adults, we believe the right partner will fix everything.

  5. Unrealistic Expectations: Unmet childhood needs are projected onto a partner, expecting them to provide unconditional love and healing.

  6. Disillusionment: The partner inevitably falls short, leading to anger, pain, and disconnection.

  7. The Search Resumes: Without grieving the fantasy, the cycle repeats with a new relationship.


The Truth About Commitment

Society’s standards have taught us that we need to change ourselves to make others happy. But the real secret to commitment is this:

It starts with your relationship with God and yourself.

You must let go of the lies, fears, and fantasies that you need to change to be loved—or that someone else can make you whole.

Awakening begins when you grieve the fantasy and recognize that:

  • People are human.

  • Love isn’t about perfection; it’s about growth.

  • Love is a practice, not a feeling—it requires conscious effort from both people.

Real love involves waking up each day and saying:

“We’re in this together. I choose you. Through this relationship, I learn more about myself. I build trust. I value the peace of security over the illusion of a fairy tale.”

The Courage to Love

Free people will tell you the truth. They’ll make mistakes, and those mistakes will test your heart and your relationship. But these moments invite you to grow—into greater awareness, resilience, and maturity.

As you grow, you become powerful enough to maintain connections, even as others work through their messes—just as God does for you.

  • We don’t set boundaries to offend or please others; we set them to protect what matters most.

  • We don’t run from the truth; we face it to reclaim the land of our hearts and souls.

So, ask yourself:

  • Do you know how to love?

  • Are you learning to love?

This is your responsibility. It’s the one thing God can’t work out for you.


Reclaiming the Land of Your Heart

“When we face our demons and our pain, we reclaim the land of our hearts and souls. We emerge better, wiser, and stronger, with new character to boot.”

May you have the courage to love—not perfectly, but authentically, with grace for yourself and others.


Love is messy. But it’s worth it.



 


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