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Your Worth Is Not Defined by Others' Capacity




Here’s a reminder that every single person deserves to hear—and let it sink in like daily medicine:

Your worth and value, as the unique and remarkable person you are, has absolutely nothing to do with someone else’s ability to meet you in that splendor.

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

As humans, we naturally use external feedback to make sense of who we are:

  • “I know I’m funny because people laugh at my jokes.”

  • “I must be talented because others acknowledge my work.”

This mechanism is harmless when feedback is positive, but it turns destructive when someone’s inability to be present or consistent becomes a perceived reflection of our worth.

When caregivers, partners, or loved ones don’t show up for us—by pulling away, shutting down, stonewalling, ghosting, or dismissing our needs—we often fill in the gaps with painful stories:

  • “If I were truly loved, people would stay.”

  • “If I were enough, they would meet my needs.”

  • “If I were smarter, more attractive, or more important, they would care.”

These stories become beliefs, and over time, we internalize them as truths about who we are.

Where It Starts: Childhood Attachment

As infants, we lack the ability to rationalize why caregivers fail to meet our needs. Instead, we adapt to survive. These adaptations, known as attachment styles, shape how we navigate relationships.

As we grow older, we continue to write narratives to explain the absence, neglect, or inconsistency we experience. And these stories stick—until we actively challenge them.

The Truth About Others’ Behavior

Here’s the hard but liberating truth:Someone else’s inability to meet you—emotionally or otherwise—is a reflection of their capacity, not your value.

Their pulling away, shutting down, or inconsistency often stems from:

  • Their own lack of safety or regulation within themselves.

  • Their limited ability to connect or navigate emotions.

  • Overwhelm in their own nervous system due to unresolved struggles.

In short, they can’t show up for you because they aren’t able to show up for themselves.

Awareness Is the First Step to Healing

It’s deeply painful to be on the receiving end of someone else’s limitations. But understanding this truth is the beginning of unwinding the narratives that have caused you so much pain.

Start here:

  1. Separate Your Worth from Others’ Behavior: Their actions are about them, not you.

  2. Recognize the Stories You’ve Created: Notice the beliefs you’ve internalized and ask yourself if they’re true—or if they’re based on someone else’s capacity.

  3. Begin to Heal: Through awareness and compassion, you can start releasing the pain of these stories and rewrite them into something that reflects your true worth.

You Are Enough, Just as You Are

The journey of healing isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. You don’t need to carry the weight of others’ limitations or let them define your worth.

You are valuable.You are lovable.You are enough.

Always.

And that truth has nothing to do with anyone else’s capacity to see it.


 


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